Sexual Chemistry

Imagine my surprise when I found this inside the Pennysaver insert of my Sunday paper, tucked alongside coupons for peanut butter and fabric softener.

It celebrates the arrival of a new product from the Johnson & Johnson K-Y family: "couples lubricants" with gender-specific formulations. When combined, the two apparently create some kind of mind-blowing reaction.

The ad makes this point with no less than three hard-hitting lines of copy. The first, at the top, promises "exciting" sensations for him, "thrilling" sensations for her, and something "amazing" when the two come together.

The second, at the bottom, states, "Two people. Two products. Together, one amazing reaction."

And finally, on the package itself, something that reads like one part come-on, one part warning label. "His excites. Hers delights. Together they ignite."

Amazing? Reaction? IGNITE? One shudders to think what might happen if, while fumbling in the dark, these two products are not used strictly within the recommended guidelines.

But suppose they are. He puts his on that and she puts hers in there. I'd still suggest for safety's sake to make sure the kids are sound asleep, or even out of the house altogether. Because like any other chemical reaction, once this thing gets started it may be impossible to stop.

Even the photo -- two tubes, each glowing with its own inner fire -- promises a potentially hazardous experience.

Maybe I'm just too uptight for these times. Perhaps my mental and emotional development is arrested at the stage of a precocious 13-year-old. After all, this may be just what Mr. and Mrs. America have been waiting for to spice up their otherwise sporadic and routine love life. J&J might make billions and revolutionize the personal lubricants market segment. In the months and years to come, perhaps we'll all look back on this post and say that I was not only wrong, but judgmental and immature about it as well.

Heck, I might even be playing into the grimy hands of marketers with this post. But some things just can't go uncommented on. At least by me.

If you're curious and want to learn more -- or maybe just squirm uncomfortably at your computer -- check out the companion website at www.keeplifesexy.com.