The New Me

Because a story of mine was accepted into an anthology...

And because the editors requested an author photo...

And because I really have no decent pictures of myself...

I had the pleasure of getting my mug shot this past Sunday.

I can count the number of good photos I've taken on one hand. This is because, as the saying goes, "the camera never lies." However, the camera can sometimes be convinced not to spill its guts about everything it knows.

In order to do this, you need to start with a good photographer, such as my friend Brian Perkinson. A cinematographer by trade, he also knows his way around a still camera.

Next, add a few beers to both subject and shooter. This helped me go from being completely stiff and uncomfortable to a state that might be described as amazingly life-like.

Finally -- and this really is the crucial ingredient -- mix liberally with Photoshop. Like the camera itself, I won't lie either: this photo has had more work done on it than Joan Rivers.

I'm happy enough with the results. Yes, my eyes are too squinty (the sun was bright!) and I wish I was smiling more. But I think the shot has a certain rakish quality, one that reflects my sense of self. (Either that, or an air of prissy disapproval, which does as well.) At any rate, the photo manages to make me look more attractive than I actually am, which is all I really require.

I think my friend John Hornor Jacobs, after seeing the new photo on this blog, said it best. "You don't look like a jolly child molester any more."

Next up: an author bio that does pretty much the same thing with my life.